So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
