It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
