I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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