Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Randomize
