Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
