He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
