Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
