I love black thongs
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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