Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
