Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
