I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
