Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
