she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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