I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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