My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
