My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
