Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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