Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize