life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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