After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
this boner is exhausting
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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