oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
