is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
