Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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