just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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