You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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