Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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