I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize