I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Operation Purity has been aborted
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
