Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Operation Purity has been aborted
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
