Non-Jews are for practice
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
