If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
