I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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