We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
