just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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