Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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