He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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