Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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