Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
