Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
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