His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
