we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
