Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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