I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
