So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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