girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
