I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
