The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
