upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
