I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
