We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He has the fingertips of a God
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