I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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