found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
