yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize