My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
