You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
