You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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