So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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