so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
