My room smells like vodka and shame
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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