remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
