he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
