So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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