Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Randomize
