I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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