I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
