Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
