Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
