She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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