I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Randomize
