Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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