Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
