Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
