Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
