is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
