This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
